Raise Winning Kids without a Fight

The Power of Personal Choice

41Vr+e6dhXL._SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_ Author John T. Walkup MD
Isbn 9780801893407
File size 0.8MB
Year 2009
Pages 184
Language English
File format PDF
Category Family and Friendship

Book Description:

And I can see I am in the minority from some of the other reviews here! But as someone with experience in Skinner's theories of behavior modification (we used ABA on my son early in his autism diagnosis), I can see how useful these ideas could be for many families.

One person questioned the idea of using rewards to change behavior, saying that he/she preferred the behavior to be changed because of an intrinsic desire, and saying that she thought the behavior would stop when the reward stops. But that hasn't been the case in my experience --- I have observed REPEATEDLY how a behavior which was initially reinforced with a reward eventually became ingrained and "intrinsic" after the rewards were faded out gradually.

Regarding the scheduling, I think ALL kids benefit from schedules - every single episode of Super Nanny etc... seems to feature a brand new schedule for the children, with clearly delineated tasks and consequences for not following through. You can certainly adapt a schedule to your family's needs.

But the thing that was so eye-opening for me about his book was his emphasis on the follow through. If you care enough about something to put it on the schedule or establish is as a rule, then you have to follow through, at least in the beginning while you are establishing the behavior, and check up on the kids to make sure they've done what they're supposed to have done, and then reinforce/punish accordingly.

This sounds so obvious, but I have been amazed at how little follow through we've been doing lately, now that I am starting a business and my husband is getting a graduate degree and working full time. For example, my kids have a bedtime of 9:00, but when my husband watches them, they are NEVER in bed on time, because he will just yell out, "Time for bed!" and expect the kids (12, 10, 7) to put themselves there. He doesn't reinforce either way or check up on them or offer any consequences, so they are often awake when I get home. And even me - I want them to put their dishes in the sink or clothes in the hamper, but when they forget it is just easier to do it myself, but that is the point - follow through may be a pain sometimes but you HAVE to do it if you want to change behavior over the long run. Common sense, yes, but in the time-crunched, busy, chaotic world of modern families, you really do have to make a special effort not to let things slide.

Well anyway. The book gave me a lot of food for thought. It is dry reading, but I think most families could pull useful ideas from this book.




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